I know the rage you describe and the way it seeps through the cracks of our mothering. I’m still learning to be gentle with myself when it does, to take a breath and then go deeper into the broken places. The work is worth it, for ourselves, our kids, and our communities. Thank you for reminding me of that. ❤️
Parenting alongside this challenge is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I started doing the work for love of my family — to be able to show up more fully for them — but eventually I learned that I’m worth fighting for too. I’m sorry you know this pain, but glad you’re persevering. It’s worth it.
Thanks for sharing yourself. I’m so sorry you had to go through this . Thankful it hasn’t turned you bitter, but I know how hard that road is… I pray you continue to have every grace you need on the journey.
I’m a licensed counselor, love Jesus, want people to experience the sound clinical practice you talk of… if we’re not trained to be trauma informed, among other things, it is so difficult to walk with people. I hope you know you’re seen and loved! When my son had heart surgery this past year, I wanted with everything in me to know he loved Jesus, too, but we also had to go with the most trained and competent person. Couldn’t hand my baby off to anyone else. Same thing goes with our “hearts,” right? I’m glad you give yourself good counseling. We all need it (me included) in the challenges and heart breaks of life.
Thank you Julie. I’m grateful for counselors who do this important work! I wish too, that a little more of our real life relationships had the honesty of what happens in the counseling relationship. Not that it is replaceable, but that I just long for people in general to be more well equipped to be good landing places for one another, which I think necessarily requires them to do the work of tending to their own wounds and interior landscape.
Thank you for sharing. Some of the hardest moments were sitting in rooms with caregivers of sexually abused children at the CAC I worked at, just listening. It takes a special bravery to share this and I’m so proud of you for doing so ❤️
Oh man, I can only imagine some of those conversations. It’s a parent’s worst nightmare, and yet, I’m so grateful that there are parents who do believe and do get help. It doesn’t erase the harm, but to be believed can mitigate so much. And while there’s never a foolproof way to prevent abuse, education, awareness, and giving our children language and tools to advocate for themselves can go a long way.
Thank you for sharing this. I spent ten years working in child protection, child trauma services, and prisons. In Perth where I live, I am one of only seven Christian psychologists/social workers. Two of us are EMDR trained. It is such a small pool. Sometimes I feel like I am banging my head against a wall, but all these things are true. I'm sorry this is your story. Some things are truly evil.
I’m sure it is so discouraging, but I’m so grateful for people like you who are in it and advocating. The trauma work is so important, but the lack of access and good education around it can be so disheartening, as well as people’s tendency to want to ignore real evil while they focus on minutiae.
I’m so glad you found the emotional and physical space to put this out this week. I hate that you experienced this and hate how much it’s cost you and continues to cost you in many different ways. I’m seeing so much of this picking and choosing which behaviors, beliefs, ideas to label as Supremely Sinful while glossing over true evil and denying and ignoring serious problems.
Yes, the blind spots are maddening. You can’t help but wonder how much could be dealt with by addressing these problems closer to home. But it’s always easier to focus on someone else’s far away sin than to look at your own messy problems and begin there.
I know that I probably wouldn’t have begun except for that life and my body really gave me no option. I could get sicker or start listening. I’m grateful for that, even when it’s been awful. Never grateful for the situation — but for what I’ve learned and grown from? Yes.
Oh annelise I didn't realise this was part of your story but I feel deeply for you that you've had to go through that. Praying for you! And thank you for being brave to share your experiences here. I don't have a lot of experience but as a teacher I learnt that I shouldn't be naive and think abuse doesn't happen in the church. It was eye opening! Praying God's people will get better and recognizing it and being a safe place and bring abusers to justice rather than downplaying it.
We have been picking wineberries in recent days--berries bring a lot of joy. (And work!)
Everything you've said here is something that I, too, would wish to say. It's so hard to communicate the daily interior struggles that abuse and its domino effect can cause in a person, even twenty years later. I want to affirm you and praise your courage in continuing to work against the lies and toward continued healing.
I wish that life would recognize when it needs to pause, when we need less layers, less hard all at one time. I wish processing could take place separate from everything else, maybe in a multiverse somewhere. I wish it wasn't spread among Christians that God won't "give us more than we can handle" because I know I've often had more than I can handle and I'm guessing you're experiencing that, too. I wish you didn't have to have the wisdom you do at the age that you do and I'm still glad that you do? But also the cost...
I resonate with so much of this and I'm thankful for your coffee shop time and the gift of putting feelings into words that hopefully turned the steam valve and let a little of the pressure off for (at least) a little while.
Aimee, this comment made me tear up when I read it. “Maybe in a multiverse somewhere” — if I had a nickel for the amount of times I’ve wished I could pause life to try to take space to deal with something… But it’s not how things go, so we do the best we can with what we have, which feels altogether pitiful some days.
Wow, so well articulated. I’m so sorry you went through this, and so grateful for your transparency and willingness to put into words what so many people need to hear. And thanks for the resource recommendations; I’m adding them to my queue. 🤍
Thank you for sharing. I’m so sorry that you were abused and that it still lives in your body. It makes me angry that the church continues to not address abuse.
Moving really does unsettle you. Praying for your family and that no one tells you while you’re driving that “he’s looking at me while he sings!”
It makes me angry too. I hold tightly to the knowledge that God will not be mocked.
And my goodness, yes, everything is just so upside down with moving. I forget how challenging it is when your brain has to work twice as hard for simple things like knowing where to buy groceries.
I knew I had to wait until a little later, for this. For space and quiet… to read and then to tell you I see, I hear, and I know.
And I’m sorry you carry this.
My own road is different, admittedly, for I’m missing the S in CSA… but so much of what you said is something I think on a daily basis when I’m out in the world, barely functioning. For when the anger and the rage rise well beyond the shape of what would normally fit and I have to coax it to quiet, to soften, to still, to shrink to get to what is really grief and sadness.
I’m endlessly grateful I was, truly divinely, led to a credentialed, believing, IFS and EMDR practicing therapist six years ago… but even all that time… and the work is still exhausting (and my own “idiopathically” impaired body makes it no easier).
Summer is a weird time for this, for me, my body carrying the brunt of her trauma when the temperature rises and the stone fruits grow… and I can’t remind myself enough to “Take care of you” like my counselor closes every session with.
Using your voice like this, in the midst, you’re taking care of you and others (like me), and I’m thankful for that.
I’m so sorry that you understand this well, but also grateful for the company. I have similar feelings about my counselor.
It’s so strange isn’t it, when the season and the emotions don’t really match up. I really struggle with most “special” days, and carry a lot of guilt around because of that.
This line in particular really resonated with me: "I wish people understood that sound clinical practice is profoundly biblical and it’s not going to make you lose your faith. In fact, it might be the thing that allows you to keep it." Amen.
Yes. I was so skeptical of counseling when I started, and felt so guilty for needing it (I only went because my Dr. referred me and I had a sense something was very wrong). By the grace of God the first woman I saw was highly skilled in trauma work and a Christian. That still feels like a miracle. But it was so much to sort through all the horrible theology that had spread its tentacles all through my story. Slow, sifting work to try to figure out what I could trust.
That is truly nothing short of a miracle! I'm so glad you found her. You're right-- it's slow, hard, hard work. That you want to quit over and over. Thank you for sharing and encouraging all on this journey (even if each of our stories look different) 💛
Thank you Lisa, there’s cost to speaking up and cost to staying quiet. It’s taken a lot of years of work to be able to talk about it in a way that I hope does not bring more pain to myself or others, but opens eyes to a bit of this reality.
Thank you for reading, Kerri. The blueberries are incredible, although I might be almost ready to say “uncle” and freeze the rest. We’ve eaten pounds of them this week.
Thank you for this. I have a friend who just moved (she’s also an introvert) and also has childhood abuse in her past. I’m glad you can put clear words to all of this, even though I wish you didn’t need to (with the abuse part). 💛 Hugs for all the things.
I know the rage you describe and the way it seeps through the cracks of our mothering. I’m still learning to be gentle with myself when it does, to take a breath and then go deeper into the broken places. The work is worth it, for ourselves, our kids, and our communities. Thank you for reminding me of that. ❤️
Parenting alongside this challenge is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I started doing the work for love of my family — to be able to show up more fully for them — but eventually I learned that I’m worth fighting for too. I’m sorry you know this pain, but glad you’re persevering. It’s worth it.
Thanks for sharing yourself. I’m so sorry you had to go through this . Thankful it hasn’t turned you bitter, but I know how hard that road is… I pray you continue to have every grace you need on the journey.
I’m a licensed counselor, love Jesus, want people to experience the sound clinical practice you talk of… if we’re not trained to be trauma informed, among other things, it is so difficult to walk with people. I hope you know you’re seen and loved! When my son had heart surgery this past year, I wanted with everything in me to know he loved Jesus, too, but we also had to go with the most trained and competent person. Couldn’t hand my baby off to anyone else. Same thing goes with our “hearts,” right? I’m glad you give yourself good counseling. We all need it (me included) in the challenges and heart breaks of life.
Thank you Julie. I’m grateful for counselors who do this important work! I wish too, that a little more of our real life relationships had the honesty of what happens in the counseling relationship. Not that it is replaceable, but that I just long for people in general to be more well equipped to be good landing places for one another, which I think necessarily requires them to do the work of tending to their own wounds and interior landscape.
Thank you for sharing. Some of the hardest moments were sitting in rooms with caregivers of sexually abused children at the CAC I worked at, just listening. It takes a special bravery to share this and I’m so proud of you for doing so ❤️
Oh man, I can only imagine some of those conversations. It’s a parent’s worst nightmare, and yet, I’m so grateful that there are parents who do believe and do get help. It doesn’t erase the harm, but to be believed can mitigate so much. And while there’s never a foolproof way to prevent abuse, education, awareness, and giving our children language and tools to advocate for themselves can go a long way.
Thank you for sharing this. I spent ten years working in child protection, child trauma services, and prisons. In Perth where I live, I am one of only seven Christian psychologists/social workers. Two of us are EMDR trained. It is such a small pool. Sometimes I feel like I am banging my head against a wall, but all these things are true. I'm sorry this is your story. Some things are truly evil.
I’m sure it is so discouraging, but I’m so grateful for people like you who are in it and advocating. The trauma work is so important, but the lack of access and good education around it can be so disheartening, as well as people’s tendency to want to ignore real evil while they focus on minutiae.
LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK!!!!!
I’m so glad you found the emotional and physical space to put this out this week. I hate that you experienced this and hate how much it’s cost you and continues to cost you in many different ways. I’m seeing so much of this picking and choosing which behaviors, beliefs, ideas to label as Supremely Sinful while glossing over true evil and denying and ignoring serious problems.
Yes, the blind spots are maddening. You can’t help but wonder how much could be dealt with by addressing these problems closer to home. But it’s always easier to focus on someone else’s far away sin than to look at your own messy problems and begin there.
I know that I probably wouldn’t have begun except for that life and my body really gave me no option. I could get sicker or start listening. I’m grateful for that, even when it’s been awful. Never grateful for the situation — but for what I’ve learned and grown from? Yes.
Oh annelise I didn't realise this was part of your story but I feel deeply for you that you've had to go through that. Praying for you! And thank you for being brave to share your experiences here. I don't have a lot of experience but as a teacher I learnt that I shouldn't be naive and think abuse doesn't happen in the church. It was eye opening! Praying God's people will get better and recognizing it and being a safe place and bring abusers to justice rather than downplaying it.
Thank you, Kym. I wholeheartedly join you in that prayer!
We have been picking wineberries in recent days--berries bring a lot of joy. (And work!)
Everything you've said here is something that I, too, would wish to say. It's so hard to communicate the daily interior struggles that abuse and its domino effect can cause in a person, even twenty years later. I want to affirm you and praise your courage in continuing to work against the lies and toward continued healing.
Work and joy so often end up going together, don’t they?
Thank you for the encouragement, Dixie. It’s taken quite a few years of work to be able to tread the line between advocacy and self protection.
I wish that life would recognize when it needs to pause, when we need less layers, less hard all at one time. I wish processing could take place separate from everything else, maybe in a multiverse somewhere. I wish it wasn't spread among Christians that God won't "give us more than we can handle" because I know I've often had more than I can handle and I'm guessing you're experiencing that, too. I wish you didn't have to have the wisdom you do at the age that you do and I'm still glad that you do? But also the cost...
I resonate with so much of this and I'm thankful for your coffee shop time and the gift of putting feelings into words that hopefully turned the steam valve and let a little of the pressure off for (at least) a little while.
Aimee, this comment made me tear up when I read it. “Maybe in a multiverse somewhere” — if I had a nickel for the amount of times I’ve wished I could pause life to try to take space to deal with something… But it’s not how things go, so we do the best we can with what we have, which feels altogether pitiful some days.
Wow, so well articulated. I’m so sorry you went through this, and so grateful for your transparency and willingness to put into words what so many people need to hear. And thanks for the resource recommendations; I’m adding them to my queue. 🤍
Thank you, Shannon. More people need to know and not shy away from these realities, because our ignorance is so costly.
Thank you for sharing. I’m so sorry that you were abused and that it still lives in your body. It makes me angry that the church continues to not address abuse.
Moving really does unsettle you. Praying for your family and that no one tells you while you’re driving that “he’s looking at me while he sings!”
It makes me angry too. I hold tightly to the knowledge that God will not be mocked.
And my goodness, yes, everything is just so upside down with moving. I forget how challenging it is when your brain has to work twice as hard for simple things like knowing where to buy groceries.
I knew I had to wait until a little later, for this. For space and quiet… to read and then to tell you I see, I hear, and I know.
And I’m sorry you carry this.
My own road is different, admittedly, for I’m missing the S in CSA… but so much of what you said is something I think on a daily basis when I’m out in the world, barely functioning. For when the anger and the rage rise well beyond the shape of what would normally fit and I have to coax it to quiet, to soften, to still, to shrink to get to what is really grief and sadness.
I’m endlessly grateful I was, truly divinely, led to a credentialed, believing, IFS and EMDR practicing therapist six years ago… but even all that time… and the work is still exhausting (and my own “idiopathically” impaired body makes it no easier).
Summer is a weird time for this, for me, my body carrying the brunt of her trauma when the temperature rises and the stone fruits grow… and I can’t remind myself enough to “Take care of you” like my counselor closes every session with.
Using your voice like this, in the midst, you’re taking care of you and others (like me), and I’m thankful for that.
Praying for you. ♥️
I’m so sorry that you understand this well, but also grateful for the company. I have similar feelings about my counselor.
It’s so strange isn’t it, when the season and the emotions don’t really match up. I really struggle with most “special” days, and carry a lot of guilt around because of that.
Thank you for sharing this, Annelise.
This line in particular really resonated with me: "I wish people understood that sound clinical practice is profoundly biblical and it’s not going to make you lose your faith. In fact, it might be the thing that allows you to keep it." Amen.
Yes. I was so skeptical of counseling when I started, and felt so guilty for needing it (I only went because my Dr. referred me and I had a sense something was very wrong). By the grace of God the first woman I saw was highly skilled in trauma work and a Christian. That still feels like a miracle. But it was so much to sort through all the horrible theology that had spread its tentacles all through my story. Slow, sifting work to try to figure out what I could trust.
That is truly nothing short of a miracle! I'm so glad you found her. You're right-- it's slow, hard, hard work. That you want to quit over and over. Thank you for sharing and encouraging all on this journey (even if each of our stories look different) 💛
It’s so important that we hear your voice. I know that sharing also must come with a cost, to you. Thank you for your vulnerability.
Thank you Lisa, there’s cost to speaking up and cost to staying quiet. It’s taken a lot of years of work to be able to talk about it in a way that I hope does not bring more pain to myself or others, but opens eyes to a bit of this reality.
Thank you for sharing a glimpse into your experience- I’m so sorry you had to go through that.
(And that haul of blueberries looks amazing!)
Thank you for reading, Kerri. The blueberries are incredible, although I might be almost ready to say “uncle” and freeze the rest. We’ve eaten pounds of them this week.
Thank you for this. I have a friend who just moved (she’s also an introvert) and also has childhood abuse in her past. I’m glad you can put clear words to all of this, even though I wish you didn’t need to (with the abuse part). 💛 Hugs for all the things.