I've never commented here before, but I wanted to say that your posts are actually really encouraging to me. I just had my second child (first is about to turn two), and I am STRUGGLING with the transition way more than I ever thought I would. Your posts tell me that I'm not alone, that this is actually quite normal, and that it will be hard but it will be Okay, especially as all the other moms with children at church (seem to) handle everything with grace and ease.
I think that, if I might extrapolate based on my own experience and talking to the moms around me, a lot of us are a little like ducks -- placid exteriors while we furiously paddle underneath. It is both that hard and that good. I found the stage with only small children really difficult, perhaps mostly mentally, because it felt like I never got anywhere. You will find your way!
I had my second when my first was just over two and it was so hard. I am absolutely not qualified to give advice but I can offer solidarity! Hang in there! The baby is 8 months old now and a squishy delight, the 2yo is almost three and fun to talk with and sometimes actually helpful, and it’s still hard and crazy and I feel frustrated every day, but it’s also a lot better than it was 7 months ago.
This post speaks to me on so many levels. My youngest is 8 months so all the baby stuff is spot on (the stage where they somehow sleep even less and everything catches up with you), and the seesaw between being in awe of how lucky I am to be home with my amazing family and the moments where all the wheels fall off and I wonder how I'll possibly keep going another minute. I have half as many children but the circus act feeling is also very familiar because we don't have a car. It just feels kind of ridiculous when you're pushing a double buggy up a hill while carrying a baby on your front and a violin on your back, and encouraging two small children to keep going so we can get to the music lesson. At least it wasn't during a torrential downpour this time!
Hope you continue to find moments of peace in your busy days and are able to laugh at the other moments. Thanks for sharing that painting. Who needs to exercise when you're carrying a baby and a toddler under each arm. 😆
Newborn stage really is hard, but I regularly hit a wall around 5-6 months and it doesn't often feel too much better til closer to a year. I know to expect it, and it helps to know it will pass and I always feel out of sorts at this point. But it's a little bit cruel that it happens at about the same time that society seems to expect that your baby and you are getting it "together". It could be that I've done it absolutely wrong 6 times. Or, maybe it's just hard. I will own that I can't handle the crying of sleep training in a small house and it has never sat right, so we work with what we can, and it is fine.
1. yes get a second baby carrier. I bought a second ergo at the used kids clothes store for $40 when I had two babies (15 months apart). Definitely worth it!
2. Get some sleep!! Get some sleep! Yes in the first 4-6 months you will be tired (and need to schedule in a nap etc) but then you need to figure out how to sleep. If co-sleeping isn’t working do something else. Yes it may involve crying but everyone will be happier I pinky promise. Unpopular opinion but it is essential the more kids you have. Prioritize sleep especially at night. I don’t 100% agree with Leila Lawler but she has tips on this.
I just remind myself that the important part is that we're all there, and they do need to learn. They can't learn if we don't bring them. I do try to set us up for success where possible, but two year olds are just two year olds and they embarrass you. They will also ask to "go church" when they pass it, so there's that.
I need a print of that too. I definitely walked into church the other week looking like the mom in that picture, holding my baby and toddler like that (but clothed, of course lol) (my husband was there early to serve).
Thank you for sharing so honestly about your experience; as a new-ish mom it helps me feel less crazy about this whole motherhood thing. “Ok, it’s not just me” is something I think frequently when I read your posts.
That's always my goal. I hope I strike a line where it's not complaining, but it also normalizes some of the chaos and discouragement of having a family, even if (perhaps especially if) in your former life you were a type-A high achiever who expected linear progress. Being a mom is my favorite job and I truly love it. It's also the most challenging and sanctifying thing I've ever done, and I don't think we do each other favors when we try to somehow whitewash that reality. I always want to honor the vocation and my children, but some weeks and moments are truly just sort of ludicrous. Almost 11 years in I can look back and say, wow, some of my mothering muscles have grown by the grace of God. I still feel out of my depth most days... AND some of the things that would have derailed me for the whole day several years back don't phase me the same way they used to.
Nothing like sharing our millennial music with children to their confusion! Ha! (I have to be careful though, because I don't notice lyrics, but one of my children does and has a steel trap memory)
Listening to Stanley's second book, myself, right now. Typically when I'm walking or in the kitchen, so the meandering feels less like a waste of my time. It definitely reads (listens?) like a legit food diary but when I'm in a slump it's gotten me off my bum and in the kitchen with a little more... life? Maybe? I'll let you know how the back 80% works out!
Ha! I could see it working as an audiobook if I needed company while cooking. My days of cooking with audio are just sort of gone right now. The two year old has too many questions about garlic.
I’ll never not love listening to him. He could read me an Italian menu and I’d find it soothing. I absolutely could not read this with my eyeballs though. 😏 I do want to get a hard copy to add some of his restaurant suggestions to my travel list of places I long to go but probably never will! 🤣
"this episode on planning a day with no plans was like listening to someone walk through my thought process of basically every day with my kids." aahahaha
(also I want that print for our bathroom now, too.)
hahaha... yes. I don't want to be salty about this. But then sometimes I am salty about it. The thing is that I cannot win it all. I don't have to make lunches and leave my house every morning, but sometimes it's hard to be the person who creates and implements the structure.
I've never commented here before, but I wanted to say that your posts are actually really encouraging to me. I just had my second child (first is about to turn two), and I am STRUGGLING with the transition way more than I ever thought I would. Your posts tell me that I'm not alone, that this is actually quite normal, and that it will be hard but it will be Okay, especially as all the other moms with children at church (seem to) handle everything with grace and ease.
I think that, if I might extrapolate based on my own experience and talking to the moms around me, a lot of us are a little like ducks -- placid exteriors while we furiously paddle underneath. It is both that hard and that good. I found the stage with only small children really difficult, perhaps mostly mentally, because it felt like I never got anywhere. You will find your way!
I had my second when my first was just over two and it was so hard. I am absolutely not qualified to give advice but I can offer solidarity! Hang in there! The baby is 8 months old now and a squishy delight, the 2yo is almost three and fun to talk with and sometimes actually helpful, and it’s still hard and crazy and I feel frustrated every day, but it’s also a lot better than it was 7 months ago.
I love all of this. Hugs to you.
The "I am trading places with this baby" section is so beautiful and real.
Thanks, Kate. Motherhood is just a wild mix of contrary emotions. It will be fine. I think I took a nap after I wrote it!
This post speaks to me on so many levels. My youngest is 8 months so all the baby stuff is spot on (the stage where they somehow sleep even less and everything catches up with you), and the seesaw between being in awe of how lucky I am to be home with my amazing family and the moments where all the wheels fall off and I wonder how I'll possibly keep going another minute. I have half as many children but the circus act feeling is also very familiar because we don't have a car. It just feels kind of ridiculous when you're pushing a double buggy up a hill while carrying a baby on your front and a violin on your back, and encouraging two small children to keep going so we can get to the music lesson. At least it wasn't during a torrential downpour this time!
Hope you continue to find moments of peace in your busy days and are able to laugh at the other moments. Thanks for sharing that painting. Who needs to exercise when you're carrying a baby and a toddler under each arm. 😆
Newborn stage really is hard, but I regularly hit a wall around 5-6 months and it doesn't often feel too much better til closer to a year. I know to expect it, and it helps to know it will pass and I always feel out of sorts at this point. But it's a little bit cruel that it happens at about the same time that society seems to expect that your baby and you are getting it "together". It could be that I've done it absolutely wrong 6 times. Or, maybe it's just hard. I will own that I can't handle the crying of sleep training in a small house and it has never sat right, so we work with what we can, and it is fine.
1. yes get a second baby carrier. I bought a second ergo at the used kids clothes store for $40 when I had two babies (15 months apart). Definitely worth it!
2. Get some sleep!! Get some sleep! Yes in the first 4-6 months you will be tired (and need to schedule in a nap etc) but then you need to figure out how to sleep. If co-sleeping isn’t working do something else. Yes it may involve crying but everyone will be happier I pinky promise. Unpopular opinion but it is essential the more kids you have. Prioritize sleep especially at night. I don’t 100% agree with Leila Lawler but she has tips on this.
It's on the thrift store list :)
We had so much chaos at liturgy on Sunday this week, too. Three little kids (7,5,2) and one of me was a lot.
I just remind myself that the important part is that we're all there, and they do need to learn. They can't learn if we don't bring them. I do try to set us up for success where possible, but two year olds are just two year olds and they embarrass you. They will also ask to "go church" when they pass it, so there's that.
I need a print of that too. I definitely walked into church the other week looking like the mom in that picture, holding my baby and toddler like that (but clothed, of course lol) (my husband was there early to serve).
Thank you for sharing so honestly about your experience; as a new-ish mom it helps me feel less crazy about this whole motherhood thing. “Ok, it’s not just me” is something I think frequently when I read your posts.
That's always my goal. I hope I strike a line where it's not complaining, but it also normalizes some of the chaos and discouragement of having a family, even if (perhaps especially if) in your former life you were a type-A high achiever who expected linear progress. Being a mom is my favorite job and I truly love it. It's also the most challenging and sanctifying thing I've ever done, and I don't think we do each other favors when we try to somehow whitewash that reality. I always want to honor the vocation and my children, but some weeks and moments are truly just sort of ludicrous. Almost 11 years in I can look back and say, wow, some of my mothering muscles have grown by the grace of God. I still feel out of my depth most days... AND some of the things that would have derailed me for the whole day several years back don't phase me the same way they used to.
I definitely felt seen by what you shared and laughed at the apple bottom jeans part!
Nothing like sharing our millennial music with children to their confusion! Ha! (I have to be careful though, because I don't notice lyrics, but one of my children does and has a steel trap memory)
Listening to Stanley's second book, myself, right now. Typically when I'm walking or in the kitchen, so the meandering feels less like a waste of my time. It definitely reads (listens?) like a legit food diary but when I'm in a slump it's gotten me off my bum and in the kitchen with a little more... life? Maybe? I'll let you know how the back 80% works out!
Ha! I could see it working as an audiobook if I needed company while cooking. My days of cooking with audio are just sort of gone right now. The two year old has too many questions about garlic.
I’ll never not love listening to him. He could read me an Italian menu and I’d find it soothing. I absolutely could not read this with my eyeballs though. 😏 I do want to get a hard copy to add some of his restaurant suggestions to my travel list of places I long to go but probably never will! 🤣
"this episode on planning a day with no plans was like listening to someone walk through my thought process of basically every day with my kids." aahahaha
(also I want that print for our bathroom now, too.)
hahaha... yes. I don't want to be salty about this. But then sometimes I am salty about it. The thing is that I cannot win it all. I don't have to make lunches and leave my house every morning, but sometimes it's hard to be the person who creates and implements the structure.
Love your “in the margin” words!
Thanks for reading them, Olivia!
Thank you for sharing my essay! I’ve saved yours to read later 😇
I could relate to so many parts!
Reading your thoughts on life and love always makes me feel less alone. Thank you for sharing whenever time allows! <3