So much of this resonates Annelise! Intellectualizing suffering .. Just yes. That's me. 100%. I think God brought me to the Church in a way to force embodiment - there's nothing like these weepy moments in the confessional and the actual FEELING of a weight being lifted - "you are forgiven, go in peace." I cannot describe it (though you know what I'm talking about). When my first was a baby I took to the 1000 hours outside challenge very intensely - people make fun of it or dismiss it because "not everything needs to be tracked" but I swear it kept my mental health in check. Making sure I spent a certain amount of time outside was everything to me, and when you're a wiped out Mom you might need a goal to force you to do it. These days farm chores ensure it and I'm perpetually grateful to have a life that REQUIRES I am outside a certain amount of time every single day. Also you're spot on about bringing food - I've done it a number of times and made new friendships by being incredibly pushy and saying "what's your address? I have a casserole" haha
Yes, the life that requires outdoors is really a blessing -- I think it's just so easy to forget about it altogether. My husband looked at me this afternoon and said, 'I think you should take a walk..." lol. I did, indeed, desperately need a walk.
“In meeting me in the confessional, and so many other concrete and personal ways, I have been assured of God’s care and particular attention. Needy, flighty, scared student that I am, I need every form of differentiated instruction he can offer.” Not enough amen’s in the world for this. Thank you for offering your words here!
“I can walk you through the halls of my past, a grimly cheerful tour guide to still-frozen grief. I can even categorize my suffering, labeling events with a neatly printed placard and cross referencing them across decades. It’s impressive, but it isn’t really living”.
Same, same, same. Oh my word. So much truth in your entire post and I related to everything you wrote, but this quote above, I felt viscerally. Thank you for sharing your words 🧡
Thank you for reading, Mackenzie! The frozen grief is so tricky. It can be overwhelming when it thaws suddenly, and yet the process is necessary I think.
I often wonder whether I'm doing the Bible verse Band-Aid application to myself, not because I think a Band-Aid will fix a gaping wound, but because the Bible verses are just, there. Or maybe it's a psalm bandaging, or something. I love that your priest brought you -- in addition to the Sacrament of the Altar -- a word that you needed, which was in itself not a band-aid of a false promise but a slow medicine of God's love.
Thanks for reading, Leah. I do wonder if it's not even trying to Band-Aid ourselves, but just this mismatch between our intellectual understanding and our felt understanding. We may know truth in our heads, but I do think there is a slow medicine that takes much longer, and I've been very grateful for the way God's showing me his care and trustworthiness in not rushing that process.
Wow... man, does it usually need those concrete assurances and some particular attention. I was sobbing to some new friends from church recently, realizing how tightly wound I have been. How cerebrally I've treated my soul, and how much we need other people and tangible grace.
Also, I was recently deep in my archives, and reminded I shared that Casserole article years ago. :') I, too, think about it often.
It's such a thoughtful way to give words to the unseen or complicated burdens that people carry.
I was reading something in Strong Like Water about attachment styles that was so interesting in the context of thinking about/intellectualizing as a way of getting safe distance from emotions. But then, we're people, so the WITH of attunement and co-regulation is a hardwired need.
Beautiful writing as ever. I am running up again and again against the question of suffering and a good God as a Mom in a way I hadn’t before; reading about children starving to death, or yet another abuse case, just hits a lot different when you’re a parent and now you’re thinking of your particular kids as the ones who could experience those things, and who will inevitably experience really tough things of some kind some day. No answers, but a lot of just coming to God, as your describe, with my fear and anxiety and sorrow. And realizing how radical a thing it really is to believe, with Dame Julian “that all things are well, and all manner of things will be well.”
Yes, the kids break things open in a different way. I find, having experienced some things as a child that I waffle between being sure that God will still be with my kids no matter what, and total panic. It's a real struggle, and I think all we can do is keep handing it over. Lately I've been envisioning just handing Mary all the things, like my daughter hands me her dolls for safekeeping. Or handing a friend and their problems off to a specific Saint. I don't know -- just asking all the people to help me to carry the things helps a bit.
Ahhh so much here! (So much I can't say in comments.) But I'm so glad you wrote about it.
And my husband and I read from Jonah just this week with him laughing and saying 'it's you!' And me laughing and nodding vigorously about how much I love Jonah...
Also I looked around at every beach we were on and not one child was crying. In the parking lot, yes. But on the beach? Everyone was happy, interested, moving or sitting on sand and watching waves or digging holes... It made me think how much less anxious everyone, including me, would be if we were just at the beach every day.
So much of this resonates Annelise! Intellectualizing suffering .. Just yes. That's me. 100%. I think God brought me to the Church in a way to force embodiment - there's nothing like these weepy moments in the confessional and the actual FEELING of a weight being lifted - "you are forgiven, go in peace." I cannot describe it (though you know what I'm talking about). When my first was a baby I took to the 1000 hours outside challenge very intensely - people make fun of it or dismiss it because "not everything needs to be tracked" but I swear it kept my mental health in check. Making sure I spent a certain amount of time outside was everything to me, and when you're a wiped out Mom you might need a goal to force you to do it. These days farm chores ensure it and I'm perpetually grateful to have a life that REQUIRES I am outside a certain amount of time every single day. Also you're spot on about bringing food - I've done it a number of times and made new friendships by being incredibly pushy and saying "what's your address? I have a casserole" haha
Yes, the life that requires outdoors is really a blessing -- I think it's just so easy to forget about it altogether. My husband looked at me this afternoon and said, 'I think you should take a walk..." lol. I did, indeed, desperately need a walk.
(and thank you for the shout-out! so glad you're enjoying the podcast!)
“In meeting me in the confessional, and so many other concrete and personal ways, I have been assured of God’s care and particular attention. Needy, flighty, scared student that I am, I need every form of differentiated instruction he can offer.” Not enough amen’s in the world for this. Thank you for offering your words here!
Thank you for reading and understanding, Chelsea!
“I can walk you through the halls of my past, a grimly cheerful tour guide to still-frozen grief. I can even categorize my suffering, labeling events with a neatly printed placard and cross referencing them across decades. It’s impressive, but it isn’t really living”.
Same, same, same. Oh my word. So much truth in your entire post and I related to everything you wrote, but this quote above, I felt viscerally. Thank you for sharing your words 🧡
Thank you for reading, Mackenzie! The frozen grief is so tricky. It can be overwhelming when it thaws suddenly, and yet the process is necessary I think.
Beautiful, Annelise.
I often wonder whether I'm doing the Bible verse Band-Aid application to myself, not because I think a Band-Aid will fix a gaping wound, but because the Bible verses are just, there. Or maybe it's a psalm bandaging, or something. I love that your priest brought you -- in addition to the Sacrament of the Altar -- a word that you needed, which was in itself not a band-aid of a false promise but a slow medicine of God's love.
God be with you. Thanks for sharing this with us.
Thanks for reading, Leah. I do wonder if it's not even trying to Band-Aid ourselves, but just this mismatch between our intellectual understanding and our felt understanding. We may know truth in our heads, but I do think there is a slow medicine that takes much longer, and I've been very grateful for the way God's showing me his care and trustworthiness in not rushing that process.
"Intellectualizing" our sorrow.
Wow... man, does it usually need those concrete assurances and some particular attention. I was sobbing to some new friends from church recently, realizing how tightly wound I have been. How cerebrally I've treated my soul, and how much we need other people and tangible grace.
Also, I was recently deep in my archives, and reminded I shared that Casserole article years ago. :') I, too, think about it often.
https://luminousandliminal.wordpress.com/2019/09/23/good-true-beautiful-week-39/
It's such a thoughtful way to give words to the unseen or complicated burdens that people carry.
I was reading something in Strong Like Water about attachment styles that was so interesting in the context of thinking about/intellectualizing as a way of getting safe distance from emotions. But then, we're people, so the WITH of attunement and co-regulation is a hardwired need.
Beautiful writing as ever. I am running up again and again against the question of suffering and a good God as a Mom in a way I hadn’t before; reading about children starving to death, or yet another abuse case, just hits a lot different when you’re a parent and now you’re thinking of your particular kids as the ones who could experience those things, and who will inevitably experience really tough things of some kind some day. No answers, but a lot of just coming to God, as your describe, with my fear and anxiety and sorrow. And realizing how radical a thing it really is to believe, with Dame Julian “that all things are well, and all manner of things will be well.”
Yes, the kids break things open in a different way. I find, having experienced some things as a child that I waffle between being sure that God will still be with my kids no matter what, and total panic. It's a real struggle, and I think all we can do is keep handing it over. Lately I've been envisioning just handing Mary all the things, like my daughter hands me her dolls for safekeeping. Or handing a friend and their problems off to a specific Saint. I don't know -- just asking all the people to help me to carry the things helps a bit.
Ahhh so much here! (So much I can't say in comments.) But I'm so glad you wrote about it.
And my husband and I read from Jonah just this week with him laughing and saying 'it's you!' And me laughing and nodding vigorously about how much I love Jonah...
Also I looked around at every beach we were on and not one child was crying. In the parking lot, yes. But on the beach? Everyone was happy, interested, moving or sitting on sand and watching waves or digging holes... It made me think how much less anxious everyone, including me, would be if we were just at the beach every day.
Understand this on so many levels my friend, as we’ve been up since 3 am with sweet Sammy for the hundredth time.