If you're doing Bible, handwriting, math, and listening to audiobooks every day, well done! Last year, we graduated our eighth child after thirty years of homeschooling. My children have grown into adults that I *like* and I'm enjoying this stage in our relationships. One of my daughters, in a text last night, thanked us for always being there as parents, and said our children were more grateful for us than we could ever know. (This was not an easy child to raise; few are.) One reason we homeschooled was so our children would know each other and be friends, in spite of their births being spread over a nineteen year period. That's been a beautiful thing to behold. They've been in each other's weddings, and the younger babysit the older ones' children. Hang in there. 😁
I’m always encouraged by families that still like each other after all of it! That’s the goal — relationships are at the core of things and we hope to give them a good education too. But it’s a lot easier to fill in academic gaps than character formation.
As a homeschool mom I totally feel you on all this. As a homeschool grad I can also say the following:
1) all the upheavals you’ve described are truly destabilizing for the kids in some ways. Having them in school, which means switching teachers and curriculum every time you move, certainly would not have been very academically successful, either. So you’re not meeting your dream homeschool visions but the alternative of kids in school would have been very counterproductive. A very low-key homeschool approach was probably the healthiest option given all the rest of things. They will look back and remember strong bonds formed in adventures with siblings instead of being scared in new schools all the time!
2) This sounds a lot like my homeschool days and I think it’s fine for elementary school. I do think it’s important to ramp things up through middle & especially high school but there are SO many more options these days for online classes, audiobook texts, etc., than I had access to and some of the labor intensive parts of upper levels can be effectively outsourced.
Yes, although we probably wouldn’t have moved so many times if our kids were in school haha.
It is a hard balance to strike. I was homeschooled through 8th and got a very good education but my primary memory is my mom’s constant frustration with how “behind” we were (despite the fact that I then went to a challenging high school program and was academically ahead of peers). I am very aware of how her feelings affected me as a child, so I don’t want to do that to my kids. At the same time, yes, as they get into upper elementary things like writing and grammar become more important. But I still think even with those that it’s the fundamentals, not the flashy things that make the difference. So it’s easy to look at a pretty photograph, when you need to just stick with it to get the IEW outline done.
Hang in there, Homeschool Mama! You are doing great!! After 18 years of homeschooling, you get perspective. Bible time, Reading (& vocabulary building) time, Math and you are set (esp. the elementary grades). All the other subjects can be taught in a million different ways while living life!
I used to think my homeschool had to look and be a certain way...NOT! Thanks for the hobbled horses story. Being hobbled at times is not a bad thing!
The comparison game is a hard trap to stop! Especially because there are so many pretty resources out there. But I’ve had to put my blinders on because I’m easily overwhelmed and then feel like I should do everything. The reality is that when I am diligent with a few things done well everyone does fine, and I need people to keep affirming that!
I know this feeling well! After having 6 kids in less than 7 years all my ideal homeschooling has gone out the window. In my head I am the perfect Charlotte Mason homeschooler. In reality we are having a good day if everyone does Math, Reading, and Writing. Thankfully I too can see the success in the “Long Game” but I feel like a failure daily.
This summer I am trying to plan a realistic homeschool year instead of an ideal one. Which is very hard for the idealist that I tend to be.
lol, yes to the “in my head” version of homeschooling. It’s so tough to walk that line of genuinely needing to make sure we’re not doing our children a disservice, but not getting caught up in the bright and shiny trappings that are just not going to happen with a ton of kids.
In warm weather I use my parked car to incubate yogurt, lol. I fill up a jar with the milk and starter, wrap it in a towel, and let it sit in the car all day.
Adding dry milk (I don't know how that would affect your littles) can make it thicker. You can also put it in cheese cloth and hang it to let some of the whey strain out (I've used the whey in baking).
All I had to do was read the title of this and instantly related. I told myself that after swim lessons was over I'd start planning for the next school year. So starting Monday this week I dove right in, started off feeling super optimistic and excited and by Tues evening I already felt like a failure. So much self-doubt creeping in!
I realized after those couple planning days that I either need to stick to more basics and drop some of the extras that I want done, or Mary Poppins needs to show up at my door. OR, I have this other wild idea that maybe I can adopt a few grandmas to come over once a week, 2-3 hours at a time, and hold my baby or read books to my toddlers so that I can focus more on the big kids' school.
lol to the “Mary Poppins”! If only! It’s hard when it’s not a lack of desire, but a lack of actual time and energy. We are next door to cousins this year who are doing the same curriculum so we might try to work out a swap where one of us can take littles and the other take older kids for a morning. We’ll see! But it’s so challenging to teach grammar or something that requires more thought while the little kids are losing it, or the baby needs to nurse.
Pride is what struggles - 1000%. No matter the circumstances.
Love the hobbled horses discussion. Learning to live with discomfort and pressure and stay quiet. And patient. Huh—why is patience always such an important part of growth in pretty much any area? 🤪
Thanks for the link to Lazy Genius! A friend and I were just discussing this!
As always, I love your honesty and clear-sightedness. The truth shall set us free. 💛
(And I know I probably mention this too often, but the kids DO grow. Oldest five are 9-16 now. Youngers are 7, 3.5, and 6 months. Completely different juggle! Hard in its own ways, but definitely easier in others. Hang in there.)
Yes, the wounded pride and my superwoman complex… sigh. When I’m diligent with what I can do, it usually goes fine, and it may not be fancy or impressive, but it is adequate.
Yes, it is. Though I wince at reading this every time, it is a balm, too: “The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.” Psalm 51:17
Christ is with you, sister, and I pray He will continue to be.
Oooh, I’m definitely going to be checking out that Lazy Genius podcast. This has been something I’ve been trying to figure out how to teach my two…neither my husband or I were taught how to do that as kids, and while I’ve muddled my way into noticing things when I walk into a room, I’d really like for my kids to have it as a habit.
Yes, I loved that idea because I’m hoping if I can scaffold that skill in, and give them the tools to take initiative it’ll eventually result in them doing things on their own. Different kids definitely have different levels of awareness around their surroundings 😂
The hobble analogy put so clearly into words what I often feel, as well as the tension you describe as always able to improve and never fully arriving. It keeps us humble and reckoning with our humanity in the most frustrating and brilliant way, leaving the rest in Gods hands. This whole piece is so beautifully written and sooo so so relatable! We are a homeschooling family with a five year old and two year old. I am still trying to figure out how that all works together, nevermind time for writing! You are a recent find and your title alone is brilliant “writing while washing” sounds about right! Thanks for sharing ✨🫶
I think homeschooling is a constant exercise in adjustment. I do appreciate that when I talk to the school teachers I know there’s a bit of a reality check. My SIL teaches second grade and so it’s good to hear her stories and realize that teaching people is just hard work no matter where you’re doing it!
Right there with you. It's very painful to find ourselves falling short of the ideal (whatever we've decided that ideal is). But it's also a good reminder that we'll never reach perfection this side of glory anyway. We do have to have something to strive for, but it's really ok if we're not there yet.
And of course sometimes we're striving for the wrong things altogether, but usually we only come to understand where our mistakes are when we've come up against a hard wall that won't let us go any further down that path and we're *forced* to reevaluate.
Yes! Sometimes you have seasons where you realize that the ideal you’re going after is the wrong one. I read a post from a mom who’s older child had graduated and she made the point that maybe it would have helped if she’d known it would turn out fine, but she also may not have spent nearly as much time on her knees. So perhaps it’s the falling short that keeps us dependent.
Annelise, I so clearly remembe being the "starry-eyed mother researching homeschool curriulum" :) I just wanted to let you know that I am currently working on a piece that will likely provide some relief to your perception of how your homeschooling is going (for one thing, all kids in Switzerland only learn to read once they enter grade 1, before then its just free play, socializing, and story time:). The feeling of inadequacy you describe persists, but it is also replaced over the years by a sense of trust and accomplishment. There will be a section on "simple and sane" homeschooling, which is the way to go when you have a lot of littles and other life upheaval. And remember, whatever you see on Instagram is catered, what they do not show you are the shots of them working like crazy to get their workspace set up just right and then yelling at the kids because they were interrupting their posting.... Hang in there:)
I do always give myself the pep talk about how school doesn’t even start in many other countries til 6 or 7! I think where I tend to struggle most is that the fundamentals (math and reading) do require discipline and consistency, but it doesn’t need to look “magical” — it’s the 20 minutes every day without fail that does the trick. And I think that probably continues — the most important things are not the ones that are going to make for a beautifully photographed flat lay!
Hello. This post echoed so many conversations I’ve had with friends over the last couple of years, and it really touched me. Thank you for your vulnerability. And I LOVE that RAR episode! Thank you for the reminder- I need to listen to it (and read Teaching From Rest again) before the fall push. He truly makes it all enough and will supply our needs.
Sarah Mackenzie is such a gift to us all! I think maybe many homeschool moms feel this way — but it’s so easy to think everyone else has it figured out and you’re the only one struggling.
I'm not homeschooling but I can do relate so this and I love the way you spiritually reflect on different situations in your life. It helps me reflect on my life in that way too! I'm going to have to reread the hobble training part and just soak it in and think about how that might apply to me when I feel like I'm a failure or getting as much done as *I'd like*.
"My children are doing just fine. It’s my pride that’s struggling. " -- this is a wise insight. And it could be turned into a great question to help honestly evaluate a situation: "What's really struggling? The children? Or my pride?" Best wishes for your school year!
I love the idea of using this as a diagnostic question. Because there are times when a child is struggling and we do have to course correct, but most often it’s just doubling down on the same, small, sort of boring things.
Definitely! In my 8 yrs of homeschooling I have definitely been in both situations. Questioning is natural, especially when we don’t have the same kind of support team around us that we would in a school setting. But it’s definitely important to identify where the real struggle lies and always acknowledge there is grace for all.
Thank you! It stays reasonable with a lot of effort from everyone. The dog is shedding like a madman so frequent vacuuming is a nonnegotiable at the moment :)
If you're doing Bible, handwriting, math, and listening to audiobooks every day, well done! Last year, we graduated our eighth child after thirty years of homeschooling. My children have grown into adults that I *like* and I'm enjoying this stage in our relationships. One of my daughters, in a text last night, thanked us for always being there as parents, and said our children were more grateful for us than we could ever know. (This was not an easy child to raise; few are.) One reason we homeschooled was so our children would know each other and be friends, in spite of their births being spread over a nineteen year period. That's been a beautiful thing to behold. They've been in each other's weddings, and the younger babysit the older ones' children. Hang in there. 😁
I’m always encouraged by families that still like each other after all of it! That’s the goal — relationships are at the core of things and we hope to give them a good education too. But it’s a lot easier to fill in academic gaps than character formation.
As a homeschool mom I totally feel you on all this. As a homeschool grad I can also say the following:
1) all the upheavals you’ve described are truly destabilizing for the kids in some ways. Having them in school, which means switching teachers and curriculum every time you move, certainly would not have been very academically successful, either. So you’re not meeting your dream homeschool visions but the alternative of kids in school would have been very counterproductive. A very low-key homeschool approach was probably the healthiest option given all the rest of things. They will look back and remember strong bonds formed in adventures with siblings instead of being scared in new schools all the time!
2) This sounds a lot like my homeschool days and I think it’s fine for elementary school. I do think it’s important to ramp things up through middle & especially high school but there are SO many more options these days for online classes, audiobook texts, etc., than I had access to and some of the labor intensive parts of upper levels can be effectively outsourced.
Yes, although we probably wouldn’t have moved so many times if our kids were in school haha.
It is a hard balance to strike. I was homeschooled through 8th and got a very good education but my primary memory is my mom’s constant frustration with how “behind” we were (despite the fact that I then went to a challenging high school program and was academically ahead of peers). I am very aware of how her feelings affected me as a child, so I don’t want to do that to my kids. At the same time, yes, as they get into upper elementary things like writing and grammar become more important. But I still think even with those that it’s the fundamentals, not the flashy things that make the difference. So it’s easy to look at a pretty photograph, when you need to just stick with it to get the IEW outline done.
Hang in there, Homeschool Mama! You are doing great!! After 18 years of homeschooling, you get perspective. Bible time, Reading (& vocabulary building) time, Math and you are set (esp. the elementary grades). All the other subjects can be taught in a million different ways while living life!
I used to think my homeschool had to look and be a certain way...NOT! Thanks for the hobbled horses story. Being hobbled at times is not a bad thing!
The comparison game is a hard trap to stop! Especially because there are so many pretty resources out there. But I’ve had to put my blinders on because I’m easily overwhelmed and then feel like I should do everything. The reality is that when I am diligent with a few things done well everyone does fine, and I need people to keep affirming that!
I know this feeling well! After having 6 kids in less than 7 years all my ideal homeschooling has gone out the window. In my head I am the perfect Charlotte Mason homeschooler. In reality we are having a good day if everyone does Math, Reading, and Writing. Thankfully I too can see the success in the “Long Game” but I feel like a failure daily.
This summer I am trying to plan a realistic homeschool year instead of an ideal one. Which is very hard for the idealist that I tend to be.
lol, yes to the “in my head” version of homeschooling. It’s so tough to walk that line of genuinely needing to make sure we’re not doing our children a disservice, but not getting caught up in the bright and shiny trappings that are just not going to happen with a ton of kids.
Thank you for sharing the image of the hobbled horse and the good purpose for this sort of training. It's really helpful.
I’m so glad it was a helpful analogy for you!
In warm weather I use my parked car to incubate yogurt, lol. I fill up a jar with the milk and starter, wrap it in a towel, and let it sit in the car all day.
Adding dry milk (I don't know how that would affect your littles) can make it thicker. You can also put it in cheese cloth and hang it to let some of the whey strain out (I've used the whey in baking).
Ha! That’s amazing. I have heard the thing about dry milk, but I don’t know if they’d tolerate it. I might try the straining though!
All I had to do was read the title of this and instantly related. I told myself that after swim lessons was over I'd start planning for the next school year. So starting Monday this week I dove right in, started off feeling super optimistic and excited and by Tues evening I already felt like a failure. So much self-doubt creeping in!
I realized after those couple planning days that I either need to stick to more basics and drop some of the extras that I want done, or Mary Poppins needs to show up at my door. OR, I have this other wild idea that maybe I can adopt a few grandmas to come over once a week, 2-3 hours at a time, and hold my baby or read books to my toddlers so that I can focus more on the big kids' school.
lol to the “Mary Poppins”! If only! It’s hard when it’s not a lack of desire, but a lack of actual time and energy. We are next door to cousins this year who are doing the same curriculum so we might try to work out a swap where one of us can take littles and the other take older kids for a morning. We’ll see! But it’s so challenging to teach grammar or something that requires more thought while the little kids are losing it, or the baby needs to nurse.
Pride is what struggles - 1000%. No matter the circumstances.
Love the hobbled horses discussion. Learning to live with discomfort and pressure and stay quiet. And patient. Huh—why is patience always such an important part of growth in pretty much any area? 🤪
Thanks for the link to Lazy Genius! A friend and I were just discussing this!
As always, I love your honesty and clear-sightedness. The truth shall set us free. 💛
(And I know I probably mention this too often, but the kids DO grow. Oldest five are 9-16 now. Youngers are 7, 3.5, and 6 months. Completely different juggle! Hard in its own ways, but definitely easier in others. Hang in there.)
Yes, the wounded pride and my superwoman complex… sigh. When I’m diligent with what I can do, it usually goes fine, and it may not be fancy or impressive, but it is adequate.
Yes, it is. Though I wince at reading this every time, it is a balm, too: “The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.” Psalm 51:17
Christ is with you, sister, and I pray He will continue to be.
Oooh, I’m definitely going to be checking out that Lazy Genius podcast. This has been something I’ve been trying to figure out how to teach my two…neither my husband or I were taught how to do that as kids, and while I’ve muddled my way into noticing things when I walk into a room, I’d really like for my kids to have it as a habit.
Yes, I loved that idea because I’m hoping if I can scaffold that skill in, and give them the tools to take initiative it’ll eventually result in them doing things on their own. Different kids definitely have different levels of awareness around their surroundings 😂
The hobble analogy put so clearly into words what I often feel, as well as the tension you describe as always able to improve and never fully arriving. It keeps us humble and reckoning with our humanity in the most frustrating and brilliant way, leaving the rest in Gods hands. This whole piece is so beautifully written and sooo so so relatable! We are a homeschooling family with a five year old and two year old. I am still trying to figure out how that all works together, nevermind time for writing! You are a recent find and your title alone is brilliant “writing while washing” sounds about right! Thanks for sharing ✨🫶
I think homeschooling is a constant exercise in adjustment. I do appreciate that when I talk to the school teachers I know there’s a bit of a reality check. My SIL teaches second grade and so it’s good to hear her stories and realize that teaching people is just hard work no matter where you’re doing it!
Right there with you. It's very painful to find ourselves falling short of the ideal (whatever we've decided that ideal is). But it's also a good reminder that we'll never reach perfection this side of glory anyway. We do have to have something to strive for, but it's really ok if we're not there yet.
And of course sometimes we're striving for the wrong things altogether, but usually we only come to understand where our mistakes are when we've come up against a hard wall that won't let us go any further down that path and we're *forced* to reevaluate.
Yes! Sometimes you have seasons where you realize that the ideal you’re going after is the wrong one. I read a post from a mom who’s older child had graduated and she made the point that maybe it would have helped if she’d known it would turn out fine, but she also may not have spent nearly as much time on her knees. So perhaps it’s the falling short that keeps us dependent.
Annelise, I so clearly remembe being the "starry-eyed mother researching homeschool curriulum" :) I just wanted to let you know that I am currently working on a piece that will likely provide some relief to your perception of how your homeschooling is going (for one thing, all kids in Switzerland only learn to read once they enter grade 1, before then its just free play, socializing, and story time:). The feeling of inadequacy you describe persists, but it is also replaced over the years by a sense of trust and accomplishment. There will be a section on "simple and sane" homeschooling, which is the way to go when you have a lot of littles and other life upheaval. And remember, whatever you see on Instagram is catered, what they do not show you are the shots of them working like crazy to get their workspace set up just right and then yelling at the kids because they were interrupting their posting.... Hang in there:)
I do always give myself the pep talk about how school doesn’t even start in many other countries til 6 or 7! I think where I tend to struggle most is that the fundamentals (math and reading) do require discipline and consistency, but it doesn’t need to look “magical” — it’s the 20 minutes every day without fail that does the trick. And I think that probably continues — the most important things are not the ones that are going to make for a beautifully photographed flat lay!
Hello. This post echoed so many conversations I’ve had with friends over the last couple of years, and it really touched me. Thank you for your vulnerability. And I LOVE that RAR episode! Thank you for the reminder- I need to listen to it (and read Teaching From Rest again) before the fall push. He truly makes it all enough and will supply our needs.
Sarah Mackenzie is such a gift to us all! I think maybe many homeschool moms feel this way — but it’s so easy to think everyone else has it figured out and you’re the only one struggling.
I'm not homeschooling but I can do relate so this and I love the way you spiritually reflect on different situations in your life. It helps me reflect on my life in that way too! I'm going to have to reread the hobble training part and just soak it in and think about how that might apply to me when I feel like I'm a failure or getting as much done as *I'd like*.
I’m glad you can relate, Kym!
"My children are doing just fine. It’s my pride that’s struggling. " -- this is a wise insight. And it could be turned into a great question to help honestly evaluate a situation: "What's really struggling? The children? Or my pride?" Best wishes for your school year!
I love the idea of using this as a diagnostic question. Because there are times when a child is struggling and we do have to course correct, but most often it’s just doubling down on the same, small, sort of boring things.
Definitely! In my 8 yrs of homeschooling I have definitely been in both situations. Questioning is natural, especially when we don’t have the same kind of support team around us that we would in a school setting. But it’s definitely important to identify where the real struggle lies and always acknowledge there is grace for all.
Enjoyed reading your post though I don't have children. Your house looks clean though. mess is inevitable with children. XO
Thank you! It stays reasonable with a lot of effort from everyone. The dog is shedding like a madman so frequent vacuuming is a nonnegotiable at the moment :)