That last line is why I've taken a huge break from Instagram. I don't want to have to commodify my life for people to validate it. I want to be present with the ones I love and be present to what God is doing in front of me, not needing to take a photo of it to justify what's happening or explain it to anyone else. Thank you for writing this!
Saw your post on The Stories Between Us platform and linked to this article…Appreciating your thoughts (and the back and forth feelings) on Instagram. Questions I’m asking. Your “stringent boundaries” comment sounds apt. I wonder if there’s a short hand sort of check-list diagnostic for checking if your social media boundaries are healthy… I will catch myself turning to my phone or socials and have the thought, “what do I actually want here?” (I’m only learning that pattern after years of counseling…there’s always a deeper want—especially when the want keeps happening!)
Yes, it’s often filling a non-descript void! And then since it’s a band-aid for whatever that is, it means that it’s easier to not investigate what you’re actually wanting. I think it’s one of the things that makes it most difficult to navigate - you feel a little “off”, distract for a moment and you’re sucked into this vortex of content. The way the app is designed makes it almost impossible to be mindful about use. I was listening to a podcast episode about habits (The Lazy Genius) and she was citing some research from “Atomic Habits” that talked about the stages of habit formation, one of the points being that habits form because there’s a cue, response and reward... (and one I’m forgetting). So to reform them you have to reset some of those responses, but it’s hard to do!
Appreciate the sharing of thoughts! Glad you’re here.
Thank you for this! I found you from Tsh's post and am grateful to know I'm not the only one struggling with the octopus of social media. I don't want to spend more time on it, and I don't want people spending more time on it--and yet I also want people to read my writing...but not on social media. Haha. Excited to see how we will all navigate this and hopefully emerge as healthier contributors and consumers!
"Why on earth am I relying on this system to validate my existence?" Oh my goodness, SUCH true words. This is excellent, Annelise. This honestly feels true about every social media platform, though it's more blatantly obvious with IG due to its vanity and envious nature. Your thinking here has brought more clarity to my convictions, so thank you. Here's to more and more of us saying farewell to these unhealthy platforms! 🥂
These are really great thoughts, Annelise. I love how you've correlated Instagram and Narcissistic Abuse. I'm especially interested in the thoughts you had about why it's difficult to leave a NA system and its similarities to Instagram. I saw elements of this in myself over the past few years and thought it was rooted out during my sabbatical last winter, but the ugly monster reared its head during my last book release. It took a decisive moment for me to simply say, "No more. I can use this tool without this tool using me." But breaks help remind me of the goodness of that. I usually take January off social media, but I'm considering taking longer off, perhaps through the spring this time. The ends haven't really justified the means for me.
It’s such a difficult tool to keep in balance! And I think for me, with a very small writing audience I’m not sure that it is worth staying there to “build a platform”. I think one of the things that most correlates it with the NA pattern is how unpredictable it is... there’s always the lure that you’ll figure it out, or this time it will be different. The random spikes in engagement trigger that same dopamine high that a narcissist’s “love bombing” behavior does, and then you’re left chasing the high. Now that I’ve made the connection I don’t know if I can un-see it. But it also makes sense that I would be attracted to it, because it’s so familiar. I truly don’t know how you engage the work of building something and finding an audience in a way that keeps your worth and value independent from your work. I have spent my whole life striving to belong, have value, make myself indispensable.. and I just don’t want to be in spaces where I’m only valued for what I do and produce anymore. I’m really tired. So maybe Instagram has to go too. I wonder if there’s even a way to use it responsibly at this point. And then if I do stay and invest more, it makes the leaving just that much harder so maybe best to cut my losses now... It’s tricky!
I totally agree. The platform thing and the east reach of social media has us all by the cajones😕. And people do make legit money off IG for a reason. Maybe it’s good to see it like Daniel saw his work. He was a literal higher up in Babylon, and yet he didn’t let the godless environment stop him from being the servant of God he was, to the point where they threw him to the lions because of it (sort of like modern day censorship, no?). But God helped him walk the tension for His purposes… Lord help us do the same if we must.
I’m not sure how IG works for writers but I follow one writer on sub stack and it seems like a great platform. I’m working on beginning a podcast/ online business and am determined NOT to use IG but to rely on the podcast to get the word out. I try to stay off IG. I don’t find your posts on there- so there are at least some who find you other ways!
I miss your posts but I also totally get it. I enjoy the glimpse into peoples lives, minds, and souls, because ultimately we aren’t meant to do life alone. I think that’s why getting off is so hard, because in some ways, it’s very unnatural to be so isolated in our homes. At least social media provides some amount of human connection. And yet it isn’t the same as real life. There is a dilemma for sure, and one of the things we have to navigate. I’ve personally found that some social media is better than none.
I hear you! I do wonder though if IG is actually making us less lonely or if it sometimes can mask the loneliness with an inflated sense of relationship. There’s parts of it I really enjoy - the photos etc…and that can make being at home all the time feel less isolating. I really think stories are so much fun. But these same things can easily feed discontent and make it seem like everyone else is somehow “making it”.
I totally agree about insta. I’d be off if it right now if it weren’t for the need to build a writing platform, like you mentioned. Boundaries are the key if one must be on it, and your month off is part of that 👏
I know. The “platform” thing is a real rub. I have other friends who conduct a majority of their sales/business via IG and that’s another reality that makes it hard to just step off. I do think email is increasingly going to be a way to be less dependent on social media.
"I am comforted by the knowledge that God is “El Roi” the God who sees. We do not have to commodify our lives to be seen, even if the whole world wants to convince us otherwise." That's so comforting. I recently started trying to hit TikTok and Instagram hard to build an audience for my book, just to see my views drop and drop and drop. I don't know if it's worth it, but I don't know what to do if I don't use them. Ugh. But the idea of quitting feels so freeing lol...
I've a dabbled in a few platforms, but that's the thing--saying safe things, compliant things. The rules determined in some nebulous way that you discover when you overstep. Narcissistic-- that sounds pretty accurate! and Yes, there is one who gets us--great post Annelise!
Good job with that sourdough; my wife's been hooked for a minute!
All social media to me are under the same comb. Be it facebook, IG, Soundcloud, LinkedIn even. I am a reader on substack, not yet putting my own words out there. It's as if platforms are all 'same', and varies/changes as major contributors find 'somewhere else'. I imagine it's all part of the 'online' system in today's society that we somehow need but don't really want. I hope Substack gives you what you want vis a vis any other platform out there...
I'm so glad you shared this on Tsh's post about Instagram! Such an apt analogy. So glad to have discovered your wonderful writing.
thank you! I'm excited for the comment section connections. Feels a little like the old school blog days :)
It's something I really love about Substack! It's like it's how the internet is supposed to be.
So true. I really think getting off IG is honestly one of the best mental health decisions you can make
That last line is why I've taken a huge break from Instagram. I don't want to have to commodify my life for people to validate it. I want to be present with the ones I love and be present to what God is doing in front of me, not needing to take a photo of it to justify what's happening or explain it to anyone else. Thank you for writing this!
Saw your post on The Stories Between Us platform and linked to this article…Appreciating your thoughts (and the back and forth feelings) on Instagram. Questions I’m asking. Your “stringent boundaries” comment sounds apt. I wonder if there’s a short hand sort of check-list diagnostic for checking if your social media boundaries are healthy… I will catch myself turning to my phone or socials and have the thought, “what do I actually want here?” (I’m only learning that pattern after years of counseling…there’s always a deeper want—especially when the want keeps happening!)
Yes, it’s often filling a non-descript void! And then since it’s a band-aid for whatever that is, it means that it’s easier to not investigate what you’re actually wanting. I think it’s one of the things that makes it most difficult to navigate - you feel a little “off”, distract for a moment and you’re sucked into this vortex of content. The way the app is designed makes it almost impossible to be mindful about use. I was listening to a podcast episode about habits (The Lazy Genius) and she was citing some research from “Atomic Habits” that talked about the stages of habit formation, one of the points being that habits form because there’s a cue, response and reward... (and one I’m forgetting). So to reform them you have to reset some of those responses, but it’s hard to do!
Appreciate the sharing of thoughts! Glad you’re here.
Thank you for this! I found you from Tsh's post and am grateful to know I'm not the only one struggling with the octopus of social media. I don't want to spend more time on it, and I don't want people spending more time on it--and yet I also want people to read my writing...but not on social media. Haha. Excited to see how we will all navigate this and hopefully emerge as healthier contributors and consumers!
Not alone at all! I’m so encouraged by how many people are feeling this same thing and hopeful that there is another way.
"Why on earth am I relying on this system to validate my existence?" Oh my goodness, SUCH true words. This is excellent, Annelise. This honestly feels true about every social media platform, though it's more blatantly obvious with IG due to its vanity and envious nature. Your thinking here has brought more clarity to my convictions, so thank you. Here's to more and more of us saying farewell to these unhealthy platforms! 🥂
It’s reassuring to have others see the same dynamics and be willing to do something about it - thank you!
These are really great thoughts, Annelise. I love how you've correlated Instagram and Narcissistic Abuse. I'm especially interested in the thoughts you had about why it's difficult to leave a NA system and its similarities to Instagram. I saw elements of this in myself over the past few years and thought it was rooted out during my sabbatical last winter, but the ugly monster reared its head during my last book release. It took a decisive moment for me to simply say, "No more. I can use this tool without this tool using me." But breaks help remind me of the goodness of that. I usually take January off social media, but I'm considering taking longer off, perhaps through the spring this time. The ends haven't really justified the means for me.
It’s such a difficult tool to keep in balance! And I think for me, with a very small writing audience I’m not sure that it is worth staying there to “build a platform”. I think one of the things that most correlates it with the NA pattern is how unpredictable it is... there’s always the lure that you’ll figure it out, or this time it will be different. The random spikes in engagement trigger that same dopamine high that a narcissist’s “love bombing” behavior does, and then you’re left chasing the high. Now that I’ve made the connection I don’t know if I can un-see it. But it also makes sense that I would be attracted to it, because it’s so familiar. I truly don’t know how you engage the work of building something and finding an audience in a way that keeps your worth and value independent from your work. I have spent my whole life striving to belong, have value, make myself indispensable.. and I just don’t want to be in spaces where I’m only valued for what I do and produce anymore. I’m really tired. So maybe Instagram has to go too. I wonder if there’s even a way to use it responsibly at this point. And then if I do stay and invest more, it makes the leaving just that much harder so maybe best to cut my losses now... It’s tricky!
I think you're spot on, truly. And blessings to you if you leave and find freedom.
I totally agree. The platform thing and the east reach of social media has us all by the cajones😕. And people do make legit money off IG for a reason. Maybe it’s good to see it like Daniel saw his work. He was a literal higher up in Babylon, and yet he didn’t let the godless environment stop him from being the servant of God he was, to the point where they threw him to the lions because of it (sort of like modern day censorship, no?). But God helped him walk the tension for His purposes… Lord help us do the same if we must.
I’m not sure how IG works for writers but I follow one writer on sub stack and it seems like a great platform. I’m working on beginning a podcast/ online business and am determined NOT to use IG but to rely on the podcast to get the word out. I try to stay off IG. I don’t find your posts on there- so there are at least some who find you other ways!
I’m not entirely sure what the interplay is between “platform” and publisher, or how long social media will continue being a key part of it. This article was an interesting read: https://www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2023/januaryfebruary/christian-publishing-platform-authors-influencers-online.html
I miss your posts but I also totally get it. I enjoy the glimpse into peoples lives, minds, and souls, because ultimately we aren’t meant to do life alone. I think that’s why getting off is so hard, because in some ways, it’s very unnatural to be so isolated in our homes. At least social media provides some amount of human connection. And yet it isn’t the same as real life. There is a dilemma for sure, and one of the things we have to navigate. I’ve personally found that some social media is better than none.
I hear you! I do wonder though if IG is actually making us less lonely or if it sometimes can mask the loneliness with an inflated sense of relationship. There’s parts of it I really enjoy - the photos etc…and that can make being at home all the time feel less isolating. I really think stories are so much fun. But these same things can easily feed discontent and make it seem like everyone else is somehow “making it”.
I totally agree about insta. I’d be off if it right now if it weren’t for the need to build a writing platform, like you mentioned. Boundaries are the key if one must be on it, and your month off is part of that 👏
I know. The “platform” thing is a real rub. I have other friends who conduct a majority of their sales/business via IG and that’s another reality that makes it hard to just step off. I do think email is increasingly going to be a way to be less dependent on social media.
"I am comforted by the knowledge that God is “El Roi” the God who sees. We do not have to commodify our lives to be seen, even if the whole world wants to convince us otherwise." That's so comforting. I recently started trying to hit TikTok and Instagram hard to build an audience for my book, just to see my views drop and drop and drop. I don't know if it's worth it, but I don't know what to do if I don't use them. Ugh. But the idea of quitting feels so freeing lol...
Chuck DeGroat's book is excellent and painfully spot-on. You are a gifted writer - thank you for sharing it with us!
I've a dabbled in a few platforms, but that's the thing--saying safe things, compliant things. The rules determined in some nebulous way that you discover when you overstep. Narcissistic-- that sounds pretty accurate! and Yes, there is one who gets us--great post Annelise!
Good job with that sourdough; my wife's been hooked for a minute!
All social media to me are under the same comb. Be it facebook, IG, Soundcloud, LinkedIn even. I am a reader on substack, not yet putting my own words out there. It's as if platforms are all 'same', and varies/changes as major contributors find 'somewhere else'. I imagine it's all part of the 'online' system in today's society that we somehow need but don't really want. I hope Substack gives you what you want vis a vis any other platform out there...