Wanted to let you know that your thoughts here made it into a conversation between me and my brother. Never underestimate the impact you have on the lives of strangers! God bless.
Annelise, you make a powerful associations here. I am in complete agreement with you about the way that we seek solutions of control as coping mechanisms. We need to be gentle with our past selves in that there are times when the coping mechanisms serve us -- but over time, they usually stop serving us.
I have so much to say, so much that I understand, so much that I see and am coming too see -- too much to say in a comment. But YES, social media and all of that is part of the same thing as disordered eating and so many other such things. They are things that do meet certain needs while simultaneously causing other damage; and when we abandon them *without seeking other ways to meet the needs that they met,* the suffering will be intense. Even when we *are* seeking other ways to meet those needs, the suffering during the transition can be intense! So we have to, have to understand that we have to address the root issue -- we must find ways to add while we subtract.
Until we understand how these counterproductive behaviors are serving us, we can't break free of them.
Yes yes yes to that last sentence. I read Joel Miller’s article on GK Chesterton’s fence yesterday and it made me think of this problem. Because we assume that the fence serves no purpose, but try to destroy it and end up worse than before. It’s like tearing down an ugly load bearing wall for cosmetic purposes without evaluating if the structure can handle your renovation.
I love your insight here, "untangling" your thoughts. I especially like what you pointed out about each person reacting differently to food. (Gluten is poison, bread is life.) I feel like it would be helpful to just write out a poison/life list in regards to technological use. There are definitely poisons that I ingest on a regular basis that I have probably not yet diagnosed for my own soul. (Some obvious ones are scrolling, wasting time, losing control of what I want/need to be thinking about at any given moment, etc. I'm deeply affected by disturbing imagery and literally have to guard my mind against it.) But there are also things on the life list--the ability to write and share, to connect in meaningful ways with others, to find true beauty that stirs my soul and inspires, etc. It would be worth sitting down and writing it all down and making myself a sort of prescription. Naming and avoiding the poison, taking in all the measured life and goodness in daily doses. There is a lot to think about here.
Yes! One of my friends who regularly works with folks in recovery groups suggested writing down specific lists of what “health” and “relapse” look like for you. We all have these red flag habits that creep up on us, so noticing when we slide back into them can alert us to deeper problems. But it does require us to be honest and curious.
I agree with you so much. Without having tools to cope at a time with intense feelings, as a young person, food and exercise were also my drugs of choice… I can often relate to your posts… thankfully, God has been so kind to heal and bring about renewed perspectives. It’s awful the time disordered eating steals. I am always thankful for dependence on the Lord in the tough seasons I have faced since because of that time, remembering He is faithful and I made it through that. It is something so little talked about, even though maybe it’s not as taboo as it was when I was going through it many years ago. I often thought of that analogy of when the issue is alcohol or something , you try and put it off instead of putting it ON daily with food… not that either is easier, just different and perhaps in your face more with food. God is kind to give us writing. I wonder if writing helped you as it did me? Blessings. Hope to connect more with you.
Im so sorry that you know that prison too. And yes, I am so thankful for God’s kindness in allowing healing there. Funny that you mention writing - it was instrumental to my healing because I began to be able to write the truth (in journals and many many, many, pages I wrote for my counselor and husband to read) before I could speak it.
So much good stuff here Annelise. I appreciate what you’ve written here and the offering of a different way of looking at technology. Thank you for sharing your insight 💛✨
As someone with my own history of disordered eating and who is also contemplating my social media habits, I really appreciate this. The connection you drew between food and social media is so provocative. Thank you for sharing this! Signed, a happy new subscriber.
"I wish it was some prescriptive process, but instead I think it’s a lot of tiny movements towards tolerating our distress for just a moment longer and learning to become a little bit more human."
You and me both on the "wish" thing -- nothing more sanctifying (and downright humbling) than "tiny movements." I find myself running for the internet (and the freezer) for affirmation... it takes some time and intention to tease out the real nutrition from both of those places. Grateful for your words, as per usual.
Humbling, a little humiliating. But maybe if we think of it as a check engine light it’ll keep eventually pointing us in the right direction. Here’s hoping.
Oct 13, 2023·edited Oct 13, 2023Liked by Annelise Roberts
OOoo Curt Thompson also talked with The Trinity Forum, which I'd like to listen to. Have also recently heard about Internal Family Systems. Fascinating.
"A healthy relationship with any appetite will require you to look at the feelings that overwhelm you and learn to tame them... Though our appetites are disordered, they were made to long for good. If we are to heal and move towards wholeness, I believe we must begin by forgiving ourselves for having an appetite in the first place."
So good, Annelise! Though I may not have experience with an eating disorder, you really made this a wider lense than that. We can easily swing from good appetite to disordered appetite or addiction. And substitutions are certainly waiting for us if we ditch one and another takes its place. The girl who gives up social media and instead develops an unhealthy coping mechanism in online shopping? The guy who breaks porn's hold on him but then is addicted to online games? The possibilities are endless. I've been there.
Totally with you on the fuzzy realities of something like tech. Our modern world is already set up inhumanely in lots of ways, and there are instances where much good can come from proper uses of tech. But those lines get so fuzzy! Thanks for writing.
Wow Annelise, that was a tough and honest post. You have profound insights, and I think you uncovered a whole layer of tech use that many are not willing to acknowledge. The depth of self-examination you share is very helpful, and you attack this very complex issue deftly, without easy answers. I fully agree with your conclusion that part of a return to healthy living includes "learning to feed ourselves with the good nourishment of healthy relationships so that we’re not starving for connection". I have seen this played out in teens who were hooked on gaming, but then pursued real-life physical activities and friendships, and the need for gaming faded away. They had tasted reality, and lost their appetite for the imposter.
Thanks for this comment, Ruth. It’s a really sobering parallel. And I admit to feeling somewhat like I’ve made a diagnosis but failed to treat the problem. The treatment is going to be a process, I think. But shame is not a good motivator for lasting change, while curiosity and compassion give us a fighting chance.
Wanted to let you know that your thoughts here made it into a conversation between me and my brother. Never underestimate the impact you have on the lives of strangers! God bless.
That is such a wonderful compliment - to have provided fuel for a real conversation.
Annelise, you make a powerful associations here. I am in complete agreement with you about the way that we seek solutions of control as coping mechanisms. We need to be gentle with our past selves in that there are times when the coping mechanisms serve us -- but over time, they usually stop serving us.
I have so much to say, so much that I understand, so much that I see and am coming too see -- too much to say in a comment. But YES, social media and all of that is part of the same thing as disordered eating and so many other such things. They are things that do meet certain needs while simultaneously causing other damage; and when we abandon them *without seeking other ways to meet the needs that they met,* the suffering will be intense. Even when we *are* seeking other ways to meet those needs, the suffering during the transition can be intense! So we have to, have to understand that we have to address the root issue -- we must find ways to add while we subtract.
Until we understand how these counterproductive behaviors are serving us, we can't break free of them.
Yes yes yes to that last sentence. I read Joel Miller’s article on GK Chesterton’s fence yesterday and it made me think of this problem. Because we assume that the fence serves no purpose, but try to destroy it and end up worse than before. It’s like tearing down an ugly load bearing wall for cosmetic purposes without evaluating if the structure can handle your renovation.
I love your insight here, "untangling" your thoughts. I especially like what you pointed out about each person reacting differently to food. (Gluten is poison, bread is life.) I feel like it would be helpful to just write out a poison/life list in regards to technological use. There are definitely poisons that I ingest on a regular basis that I have probably not yet diagnosed for my own soul. (Some obvious ones are scrolling, wasting time, losing control of what I want/need to be thinking about at any given moment, etc. I'm deeply affected by disturbing imagery and literally have to guard my mind against it.) But there are also things on the life list--the ability to write and share, to connect in meaningful ways with others, to find true beauty that stirs my soul and inspires, etc. It would be worth sitting down and writing it all down and making myself a sort of prescription. Naming and avoiding the poison, taking in all the measured life and goodness in daily doses. There is a lot to think about here.
Yes! One of my friends who regularly works with folks in recovery groups suggested writing down specific lists of what “health” and “relapse” look like for you. We all have these red flag habits that creep up on us, so noticing when we slide back into them can alert us to deeper problems. But it does require us to be honest and curious.
I love that... almost like a Rule of Life, but for categories of tech consumption.
I agree with you so much. Without having tools to cope at a time with intense feelings, as a young person, food and exercise were also my drugs of choice… I can often relate to your posts… thankfully, God has been so kind to heal and bring about renewed perspectives. It’s awful the time disordered eating steals. I am always thankful for dependence on the Lord in the tough seasons I have faced since because of that time, remembering He is faithful and I made it through that. It is something so little talked about, even though maybe it’s not as taboo as it was when I was going through it many years ago. I often thought of that analogy of when the issue is alcohol or something , you try and put it off instead of putting it ON daily with food… not that either is easier, just different and perhaps in your face more with food. God is kind to give us writing. I wonder if writing helped you as it did me? Blessings. Hope to connect more with you.
Im so sorry that you know that prison too. And yes, I am so thankful for God’s kindness in allowing healing there. Funny that you mention writing - it was instrumental to my healing because I began to be able to write the truth (in journals and many many, many, pages I wrote for my counselor and husband to read) before I could speak it.
So much good stuff here Annelise. I appreciate what you’ve written here and the offering of a different way of looking at technology. Thank you for sharing your insight 💛✨
You’re welcome, Mackenzie! I really hope it is helpful.
As someone with my own history of disordered eating and who is also contemplating my social media habits, I really appreciate this. The connection you drew between food and social media is so provocative. Thank you for sharing this! Signed, a happy new subscriber.
So glad you're here, Erin!
"...sometimes the very thing helping you survive leaves you barely alive." Truth.
"I wish it was some prescriptive process, but instead I think it’s a lot of tiny movements towards tolerating our distress for just a moment longer and learning to become a little bit more human."
You and me both on the "wish" thing -- nothing more sanctifying (and downright humbling) than "tiny movements." I find myself running for the internet (and the freezer) for affirmation... it takes some time and intention to tease out the real nutrition from both of those places. Grateful for your words, as per usual.
Humbling, a little humiliating. But maybe if we think of it as a check engine light it’ll keep eventually pointing us in the right direction. Here’s hoping.
OOoo Curt Thompson also talked with The Trinity Forum, which I'd like to listen to. Have also recently heard about Internal Family Systems. Fascinating.
"A healthy relationship with any appetite will require you to look at the feelings that overwhelm you and learn to tame them... Though our appetites are disordered, they were made to long for good. If we are to heal and move towards wholeness, I believe we must begin by forgiving ourselves for having an appetite in the first place."
So good, Annelise! Though I may not have experience with an eating disorder, you really made this a wider lense than that. We can easily swing from good appetite to disordered appetite or addiction. And substitutions are certainly waiting for us if we ditch one and another takes its place. The girl who gives up social media and instead develops an unhealthy coping mechanism in online shopping? The guy who breaks porn's hold on him but then is addicted to online games? The possibilities are endless. I've been there.
Totally with you on the fuzzy realities of something like tech. Our modern world is already set up inhumanely in lots of ways, and there are instances where much good can come from proper uses of tech. But those lines get so fuzzy! Thanks for writing.
Thanks, Haley! Yes it’s definitely not a pattern limited to one sort of behavior. Our addictions and ways of hiding from ourselves are so sneaky.
Wow Annelise, that was a tough and honest post. You have profound insights, and I think you uncovered a whole layer of tech use that many are not willing to acknowledge. The depth of self-examination you share is very helpful, and you attack this very complex issue deftly, without easy answers. I fully agree with your conclusion that part of a return to healthy living includes "learning to feed ourselves with the good nourishment of healthy relationships so that we’re not starving for connection". I have seen this played out in teens who were hooked on gaming, but then pursued real-life physical activities and friendships, and the need for gaming faded away. They had tasted reality, and lost their appetite for the imposter.
Thanks so much for writing this Anneliese :)
Thanks for this comment, Ruth. It’s a really sobering parallel. And I admit to feeling somewhat like I’ve made a diagnosis but failed to treat the problem. The treatment is going to be a process, I think. But shame is not a good motivator for lasting change, while curiosity and compassion give us a fighting chance.
This is profound. I really need to think about this. Thanks so much for sharing this. Wow.
I still need to think about it too. Not quick work at all. But you are welcome. I'm in the weeds too.